What to say?

I haven’t posted anything since George and I announced the sad news about our baby.  I really wanted to get on here and hammer out a few blog posts because the first one was therapeutic for me.  But each time I started a post I would get stuck on what to say.  What do you say in this situation?  We realize that our friends and family sometimes don’t know what to say to us and we really don’t know what to say either.  There is really nothing that can be said, no words to express the heartbreak.  All I could think of was something like, “Hey World, I’ve had the worst three weeks of my entire life. So what’s up with you?” Doesn’t seem like a great way to start a blog post but here we go……

Hey World, George and I have had the worst three weeks of our entire life. We have literally been sucker punched and I’m reminded each day of the loss. But I’d be lying if I said it was all 100% bad because it isn’t. We have been surrounded by friends and family and I can’t say enough how important that has been to both of us.  Each email/text/Facebook message, each card, each hug, each flower arrangement and each smile has all been vital in our survival recently.  George and I have said it a hundred times but we have been overwhelmed by the love and support.  I’m not sure if we will ever get back to each one of you individually but please know that we appreciate all that you have done for us.

For me it has been a constant roller coaster of emotions and each day is a new day that brings its own set of new moments, good and challenging.  Its hard to believe that on November 18th I delivered a baby.  I have to say it to myself out loud sometimes because it still seems surreal to me.  I-delivered-a-baby.  Nope, today it doesn’t feel real.

Each week also feels like it will get easier then something knocks me down.  Since November 8th my world has been rocked three times.  Each time we would learn something new I would have to get comfortable with that information and once I was “comfortable” something new would happen again.  Each time I thought I was standing on my own two feet I’d get knocked back down with a harder punch than before.

First knock down – Get the news that there was something wrong with our baby.

Stand back up

Second knock down – The loss and delivery our baby.

Stand back up

Third knock down – The information from the genetic testing and finding out the sex of our baby.

Can’t say that I’m standing yet…but I’m working on it.

Isn’t there a rule of 3?  I hope that there is a rule of 3 in my case and now my surprises are over.  I so desperately want to get on with my life and start again with a new pregnancy.  We were told that our case was rare and it was “unlikely” to happen again.  So let’s move one, let’s try again. Not yet, I still need to physically and emotionally heal.  Everyday I pray and beg for normalcy and the ability to move on.  Not “get over” what we experienced but to move on, move forward with my life and not be stuck in the feeling I have now.  I’m sick of crying and I’m sick of the space in my heart and soul that is completely empty.

I haven’t pinned an exact reason as to why George and I were chosen as the “lucky” couple to go through this madness and I don’t know if I ever will.  I do know that because of our experience we will always have a special bond that only the two of us will ever know. Sure, our close family and friends are experiencing pain, suffer and loss with us but there will always be a bond that will bind George and I together.

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16 thoughts on “What to say?

  1. I know why Jesy. Because someday someone else will go through this and you will be that rock for them. You will tell your story and how moved on and this will give those other couples hope. You and George will be that tangible hope to other.

  2. Sometimes we all need help standing back up. In those times of need we have our friends and family to lean on to help make the standing easier. I’m glad to be a friend and please feel free to lean as much as you need to. We can help each other stand strong. Love you both!
    Heather

  3. Jesy,
    You and George continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I am wishing that your hearts heal quickly and that you continue to find strength each day.

  4. Thank you Jesy for sharing. I know this has rocked your world, but I know too, that there WAS a reason. Was is so you could help someone else? Quite possibly….. was it to bring George and you closer? Very possible…. was it so you REALLY appreciate it when things go “right”? also possible! No one ! Just know, I think You and George are wonderful people, and deserve all the happiness in the world….it awaits you I AM SURE!

  5. Jesy and George- I just found out about your loss. I am so sorry!! Although I never had this experience, two of my daughters have and it is devistating! Just remember that God does not give you anything you can not handle. Both of my girls had babies after their experience, but those children do not replace the ones you lose. They will forever be in your heart. The baby is looking down on you and you will forever have your own angel in heaven. My prayers are with you both. Love, Chris

  6. I do pray for you and George everyday. You are lucky to have each other. I look forward to giving you a big hug next time I see you. The best to you both!
    Jack

  7. Jesy,
    I believe that there is a hidden message from God that he chose you and George to go through this horrible time in your lives. This is only going to make you stronger. God does not give us anything we cannot handle. Andy and I have been thinking of you guys. We love you!! I am not great with words but please let us know if there is anything we can do for you!!
    Karissa

  8. Jesy, I still think about you two every day. I love you and want to be there for you in whatever way you need me to be. I read the previous postings on this blog and on facebook and I can see you both have a lot of people who love you. Joey has asked about you too, and I will share that with you later. I missed you guys last night at the baseball party. Hope to see you soon!

  9. I dont know what to say except god has his reason and we may never know what that is, I do know you are stronger than I. I have not been able to tell Sara about your loss knew she would be so upset so this morn I read your blog and then told Sara to read it she read the first sentance and said mom is she saying her baby died I said yes she said how is Jessie I said fine I cried she said Im glad jessie is ok but she said she didnt want to read anymore . Jessie you have touched the lives of so many people and always know what and when to say something I believe god has made you this person, I kept telling Woody how will we ever tell SAra well you did for me, Thanks and we love you and pray for your family

  10. Jesy –
    I just learned of your trials – I am sorry to hear of the news. You are a bright and sharing woman, as is shown in this blog. Hang in there and know that warm thoughts surround you. This WILL make you stronger. Take care of yourselves.

  11. Jesy & George, I wish that there were words that could somehow take this pain away from you. Unfortunately, I know of no such words. We are thinking of you and you are in our prayers.

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