{I’m FAT}

After being pregnant and then being home on the couch for 3 weeks, I am feeling FAT! Not “phat” like cool or hip but “fat” like overweight and needing some exercise.

Once I had the baby I was pretty dead set on getting right back into walking and did that once or twice the first week. Then I went to the doctor for my first check up and I was yelled at for being so active the week before. He reminded not-so-gently that I HAD recently delivered a baby and needed to take it easy. I was essentially put on bed rest and for those two weeks I sat on the couch and ate crappy food and just lived in misery. I was miserable for several reasons and trying to find an explanation for the misery is sort of difficult. Here is the gist: I thought of every other mom that would have just given birth and thought about how they would be spending their days after delivery. They wouldn’t be sitting around on the couch but they would be up and down with the baby or even breast feeding and losing all those calories. All those other women that just delivered would have purpose and action in their life that would keep them for lying around gaining weight. I felt at the time that I had no purpose nor did I have anything to keep me busy.

{Why is it all about the weight?}

I’m sure you are wondering why its all about the weight for me. I can’t really explain that either except for the fact that I want to lose weight before we try again for baby #2. I can’t see myself being the weight I am now and trying to get pregnant again. I know that the average woman gains anywhere from 20-30 pounds with pregnancy and if I’m already feeling gross about myself, I can’t image how I would feel gaining an additional 30 pounds. I would feel shitty emotionally but physically it would drain me as well. I know my circumstance is a bit different but either way I know what I need to do to feel better so now I need to put my thoughts into action.

{The Action}

I’m doing a few things that will help me to get to a healthier weight before trying for baby #2. I’m finally allowed to exercise and exercise is what I’m doing. I started walking again on the treadmill and I’ve been able to exercise for 30 – 40 minutes each time. I’m getting myself ramped up for boot camp that starts on the 3rd. My cousin has been doing this boot camp for a month or so and loves it, I’m nervous but excited to do some hard work outs. Big negative to the boot camp is that it starts at 6:00am. YUCK! I’ll keep you posted on how it goes and I’m sure I’l be complaining about the 5:30 wake up calls. Poor George.

I also joined Weight Watchers. I joined the online version and I downloaded the application to my iPhone and iPad to make sure I have every available tool at my fingertips. I’m able to track points on the go and search recipes and other foods on the fly to help make this easier. The program changed since I last joined and I’m allowed 29 “points” a day and 39 “points” a week. Today was my first weigh-in (BLAH) and as much as I hated the number on the scale I wasn’t shocked. Not sure if that’s a good thing or bad thing, either way I know it must go down. This time I’m also going to track other measurements since I’m doing boot camp and want to see other results in my body tone and shape.

Ever since I was my lowest weight in Weight Watchers in 2004, I feel like I have failed every diet or “lifestyle change.” since then. I can’t guarantee this time will be different but I would like to think that I’m going to give it my best effort. Do I have motivation? Yes, but I’ve had motivation other times and failed. I’m going to take it easy on myself but I have to say that I’m excited this time. I’m excited to lose some weight before trying to get pregnant again and I’m excited that I can continue with Weight Watchers when I do get pregnant again.

{Looking ahead to 2011}

I’m going to make weight loss a priority in my life right now but I promise to not be obsessed with the thought of losing weight. This morning I said to myself out loud with George as my witness that my expectation is to lose “some” weight before trying to get pregnant again, not to be “skinny.” I suggested 20 pounds in two months and right away George asked if that was reasonable, probably not so I took it down a few notches. I’d like to lose 10 pounds in two months and then see where that takes me. I’m hoping that 2011 is our year – Drama Free in 2011 – that is our motto! When you’ve hit the bottom the only way to go is up, I’m ready to go up and I’m ready for something great in the new year. Our next doctor appointment is next month and I’m hoping that Dr. C will give us the green light for baby making in February – I won’t keep you posted on all the details but I’m sure we will be journaling the experience.

Good luck to all of you and best wishes in 2011 – Drama Free in 2011!