In order to heal we must first hurt.  Wow, that sounded pretty inspirational right?  Maybe when I’m dead people will talk about me and use that line like they do for famous people?  Or maybe they will just reflect on the silly dumbass I was, have a good laugh and quickly move on.

My point is that for a long time I have wanted something to symbolize my family.  Something unique, something special and something I could add to since Jesy and I want to grow as a family. We’re not the one and done type.  And anyone that knows me knows that I am pretty covered in tattoos anyway, so tattoo it was.

For me  a tattoo has to mean something, it’s going to be on your body for the rest of your life.  But I have always been a firm believer in not getting someone’s name tattooed on your body, not even your own wife.  I’m not judging anyone, it’s just a personal preference.  The way I figure is that anyone, including Jesy, could get tired of my shit (hell I get tired of my shit) so why get a tattoo of her name when there is even the slightest chance that she would not be around forever.  Sorry, it’s just the realist in me.  I love her and I know she loves me, but stuff happens.  I don’t think she will ever leave me, but the possibility always exists so no names.  Plus, to me it always seemed so cliche, I wanted something with a little deeper meaning.

{What then?}

After some soul-searching and deep thoughts (not with Jack Handy) I came up with this little idea that fit all my criteria.  No names, original, and has a deep meaning.  A space theme.  A sun, moon and a single star.  It seemed like a perfect idea and here’s why:

• The Sun (Jesy) – Is there any better representation of Jesy than a sun?  Bright, bigger than life, full of energy, life-giving and keeps me warm.  And much like the people before William Hershel came along, Jesy thinks the universe revolves around her.  Just kidding of course, but I couldn’t resist putting that in here!

• The Moon (Me) – Another spot on representation.  Being introverted I tend to come off as a lifeless orb that depends on other things to get noticed.  Just like the moon relies on the sun to glow, I depend on Jesy to shine.  She has brought out a lot of the good that I have in me.  Without her I would just be a big gray rock that NASA likes to leave their garbage on.

• The Star (Baby Herron) – A star is a sun that is just really far away, but it still shines bright enough that it can be seen.  Our little star may not have burned too long, but it burned bright.  You might notice that this star is a special star.  It has a pink hue to it and at the center has a little yellow “halo”, it needed to be able to be unique for what would have been our baby girl.

I chose a place, the inside of my arm, that I knew would hurt.  It had to hurt.  For a man, physical pain is easier to understand.  I wanted to have a physical pain to try to help relate to the emotional pain we have gone through, to help give me more clarity, to make it more real for me.  I didn’t have to carry the baby for 21 weeks, I didn’t have to go through what Jesy did on November 18th.  I needed to feel something.  And feel it, I did.

The tattoo will take about two weeks to heal, perfect timing really.  By the time this heals we should be clear to try to have another baby.  Normally a tattoo would have no effect at all in trying to have a baby, but let’s see if you can follow me in my thought process here.  Physical and emotional healing at the same time.  Being able to try again will certainly help with the emotional healing. It of course won’t eliminate it, that pain may never completely go away, but this will be a huge step forward.  Much like the tattoo will always be here, but the pain won’t.  It will heal and stand as a beautiful reminder of what we went through.

And as we go forward I will be able to add to the tattoo.  With our (next?) child/children I can add another star, just no halo this time.

So, let the healing begin….

Again.

{Side note on the tattoo artists}

Special thanks to Tommy and Nate at Designs By Dana in Covington.  Tommy was the actual artist and obviously did an amazing job. He was also able to put up with my many emails of ideas and changes.  Nate was also there and he simply kept Jesy entertained with his crude humor while I was getting my tattoo done.  Thank you so much fellas!  If you have any hookers that need taken care of go see Nate (Sorry inside joke)!  I would HIGHLY recommend either of them for a tattoo.