Well, at this point the cat should be out of the bag. We, and when I say “we” I mean she, and when I say “she” I mean Jesy, is pregnant again! A little over 11 weeks to be exact. For a lot of you this is new news and we are sorry we had to keep it from all of you this long, but we were playing it pretty close to the vest after what we went through last time. We know there have been a lot of you praying for us and sending us your well wishes and we wanted to make sure that we had something positive to report. And we do!
For anyone that has multiple children once you get to number 2 things I’m sure get easier. You know what to expect, you’ve been through it all before, and while it’s certainly not less exciting, some of the initial wonder and fear just isn’t there the second time around. Unless you have had an experience like we had on our first go around. As we have described it, ‘winning the anti-lottery.’
So again for this pregnancy we have been just as cautious and nervous and probably even more on pins and needles as we are approaching the 20 week mark. And no matter what happens from now until that 20 week mark, I will still be a little nervous. At 21 weeks and after we find out the sex of the baby will I finally be able to totally exhale and relax a little bit.
But yesterday was a huge step forward for us and the wee-little uterus alien. Normally people do not get an ultra sound at 11 weeks, but our doctor wanted to make sure that none of the hyrdomas that had formed on our last baby were starting to form on this baby. He said that they can begin to form around this time and he wanted to catch it early if indeed it had happened again.
So there we sat in the same room that we found out that something was wrong with our last baby. Nervous, scared and wanting desperately to be reassured that everything was all right. I even looked over at Jesy at one point and told her, “I hate this room.” And I meant it. I can remember everything about that heart breaking day. Some people have a gift to be able to block terrible memories like that out. I remember every detail. I remember how quiet Jesy was on the phone when Dr. Caligaris called back, I remember my mind completely blanking like nothing was there, I remember the dead bugs back on the window sill, I remember a single tear rolling down my face as I looked at the expression on Jesy’s face and then hugging her and starting to sob uncontrollably still not even knowing what was wrong. Yeah, I still hated that room. Until yesterday.
The first good sign was seeing the baby of course. But this time it was so different. At 20 weeks last time the baby was very still, it had to be. There was no amniotic sac and it was covered in hydromas. This time at 11 weeks, as soon as the technician found the baby it was like there was a rave going on inside Jesy’s uterus! The baby was moving and groovin’, flip-flopping around and having a great time. It was so awesome, it was like the first time I saw a life that I helped create, it was that exciting. I could have watched my future child bouncing around for hours, it was incredible. I just sat there so quiet and watched. I was staring at the screen like Rosie O’Donnell stares at a quarter pounder.
But the best moment was when the actual Dr. came in and said those sweet words that any future parent longs to hear; Everything looks normal.
I could have been the spokes person for Orbits gum the way I was smiling. I actually had to consciously stop smiling because I was afraid that I looked like a giant creeper. No hydromas and everything looked on the up and up. HUGE RELIEF! We just passed two really important checkpoints in one visit! We are all but out of the first trimester aaaannnnnndddd by all accounts we have a happy healthy baby! Whew!
Poor Jesy, she was a huge nervous mess the whole time. And of course we process our nervousness in completely different ways. I withdraw within myself. I get real quiet and am busy running 500 different scenarios in my head. Not Jesy. She ramps up her already active mouth. The damn breaks and questions come flying out faster than a rich skanky house wife to a camera. It wasn’t so much that there were a lot of questions, just the same three or four questions over and over again. I get it, she just wants to be reassured. She doesn’t want to go through what she went through before. She doesn’t want to have this strong bond and connection to a baby that won’t make it again. So she just kept asking, “your checking the back of the neck right now, right?”, “You can see the heart beat, right?”, “Everything looks OK to you, right?” She probably asked those same three questions 10 times.
So, now I can start to relax a little bit more. I’m not all the way there yet and I might not be until the baby is actually born and I can hold it in my arms for the first time. But this was such a huge step in the process.
Mom and dad couldn’t be happier and more excited and for the first time in a long time relieved.
Everything looks normal.
You’re damn right.