I feel like I’ve been somewhat of an emotional wreck these days. Just a bit weepy, needy, clingy…the whole enchilada of a whiny pregnant lady (poor George). But then this morning my hormones dropped me off on an entirely different planet and I just about lost it. Whew… thank goodness I was at work at 7:30 this morning to have my own little breakdown without anyone else here.
I was looking through some Facebook posts, no big deal. And came across an old high school friend’s album of her little guy. I was just looking at the album of her son that had little pics from birth until present day which makes him 6 months old. Then it hit me, this friend and I used to compare notes in pregnancy when I was pregnant with Hope and her son was born just in a week of Hope’s original due date. Talk about a sunken heart. I just looked at each picture again more intently thinking how Hope might look at that age. Wondering what her favorite toy would be, how I would be dressing her up for pictures, if she would have light blonde hair or none and what her smile would look like.
I haven’t been sad about Hope in a long time, I’m thankful for my pregnancy with Abbey and don’t really feel like I “need” to be sad about Hope. I think of her every day and pray to her most every night while I hold my “Hope” bear. I’m blessed to know that we have a guardian angel not only watching over George and I but watching over Abbey as well. I talk to Abbey often and tell her about her big sister Hope and how lucky she is to have such a special sister.
I’m going to run into situations like this for the rest of my life, I’m going to always think of Hope but especially on important days like her date of birth/death on November 18th and her original due date on April 1st and I still have my “pee” stick that reminds me of the absolute joy of finding out I was newly pregnant with our first baby. So many memories and reminders of a baby girl. I’m also reminded that if it wasn’t for Hope I wouldn’t be pregnant RIGHT NOW with Abbey and I know that I’ll feel that and remember that throughout Abbey’s life.